TRUSTING & CONTROLLING

A couple of Sundays ago, our pastor went over lies that we believe about the bible, God, or being a follower of Christ. Before he had even finished the lesson, thoughts were coming to my head on what lies I have been believing. I struggle with believing that the Lord has the best plan for me and not trusting Him fully. I believe the lie that I have the better way and better plans for my future than God. Trying to control every aspect of my life shows that I’m truly not trusting God’s calling on my life. 

Over the past couple of weeks I’ve felt the Lord reveal different areas of my life where I am not trusting in him fully. 

For example, the other day I organized the front bedroom in my house. I came across the journals that I had kept from different retreats and bible studies. One of the passages focused on the different core values we have in our walk with Christ, like power, control, comfort, and approval. I started to think about this and quickly figured out that I try to control everything. I overcommit, overpromise, and overstate what I can accomplish. I want to have mastery over every area of my life. 

Not only do I try to control my own life but I try to control the way people perceive me.  I want to be the best friend, daughter and girlfriend that God has called me to do. Honestly I want everything in my life to happen when it’s convenient for me because I think my way is the BEST way. 

This all comes down to one simple thing I don’t trust that the Lord is good and that he has the best intentions for my life. I can try and tell myself over and over again that he is good, but actually believing those words is something different. Daily I struggle with not giving God full reign on every aspect of my life. 

I DO know his goodness. I know God, who came to save a sinner like me by sacrificing his own son on a cross, must love me and always have the best intentions on my life (1 Timothy 1:15). “…so that, as sin reigned in death, grace also might reign through righteousness leading to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.”- Romans 5:21. After reading this how can I question not giving him full reign? 

There is a small part of me that thinks his plan won’t ultimately give me everything I want out of life. But when thinking this, I am cutting my life short of things. I am leaning on my own understandings and choosing my own path rather than the straight path that God has chosen for me (Proverbs 3:5-6). I am not living a life free from anxiety and worry (John 14:27). I am not living my life for his magnificent purpose, which is WAY better than my purpose (Luke 17:33). I am not living the life the way he has for me (Matthew 20:28). 

There are many times I go through my prayer journal reminding myself of his faithfulness in my own life. In my daily prayers, I try to remember to let go of every aspect of my life and allow myself to fully submit to the Lord by trusting in him. I know that his plan is the BEST plan because his love for me is eternal. HIS way is more than perfect than I’ll ever see. I see what is right in front of me when the Lord sees everything to its fullest.